so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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