Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
