you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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