I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
