my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
