My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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