i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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