like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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