I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
