Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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