I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
