There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
