im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
