You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
