Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
