quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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