sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
