Kareoke will never be a sober sport
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
