I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
