ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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