We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
