Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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