lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
