Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
