She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
