Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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