She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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