Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
