where does the pee come out of this thing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
