Im at strip club and am horny
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize