She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
