Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
