Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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