just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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