If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
that's an acceptable place to lick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
