just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.