Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT