Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out

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(913): View more from Kansas

So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

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(936): View more from Texas

Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(918): View more from Oklahoma

I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.

(1-401): View more from Rhode Island

Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify

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