why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify