Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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