Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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