right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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