but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
