Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
