I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize