2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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