i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
