which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
