Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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