I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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