just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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