Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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