I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
