You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
