My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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