Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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