I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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