Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
