I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
