Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
