You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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