Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
