I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
