Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
