I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
