Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
