My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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