when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize