ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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