She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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