His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
