ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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