Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
